Are you familiar with the concept of dualism? If so, you may be wondering what this framework has to do with how we say hello. Which would be wonderful because that’s exactly what we will talk about here. If not, here’s a definition from Chat-GPT:
“Dualism is a philosophical concept that posits the existence of two fundamental, irreducible, and distinct substances or principles in the nature of reality. “
– A fancy way of saying we think something is two things when perhaps it’s not.
One place where dualism comes up is in the discussion of mind, body and spirit. Are they divided into a physical and non-physical realm (dualism) or are they one (monism)?
If you’re still wondering what all this has to do with our daily interactions, ponder this: what is the most common question asked in all of the English speaking world? If you said “How are you?”, you were right. This is, at least according to our AI source mentioned above, the most common question among anglophones. And this is where our exploration of conventional greetings and their role in the human experience begin.
The question “How are you?” implicitly encourages a response that can be categorized as either good or bad. By expecting an answer that can be reduced to a binary classification of good or bad, we perpetuate a dualistic mindset. Maybe you’re open to answers that are not either “Good” or “Bad”, but even so the question does ask for an evaluation of how we are, suggesting that some states are preferable over others. Which can be a tricky thing because it can keep us in a cycle of striving and escaping.
If we try to get the “Good” and avoid the “Bad” we are transported away from the now, from the peace of mind that comes from non-striving and non-escaping. We are kept in a loop of wanting and wanting to avoid.
And if we consider “How are you?” an ever so minimal nudge towards this dualistic struggle, and we think about how many times any given day this question is asked or answered by billions of people on our planet (in English and other languages) it can appear as quite an important one. Which then begs for a follow up question.
Should we perhaps greet each other in a different way?
After which we may realize that there indeed is a different way that is also very common.
In some cultures, people greet each other by using phrases like “peace” or by expressing wishes of peace. And such greetings do in fact transcend the dualistic framework of “How are you?”, perhaps recognizing that true peace extends beyond whether we feel “Good” or “Bad” at any particular point.
Would we thus have a greater sense of well being if we simply replaced our “How are you?” with a peace sign?
No. We know it’s not about that. We intuitively know that a linguistic change is cosmetic. Without a deeper understanding of our inner workings, what words we use matter little. But how about if we changed our response? What if we responded in a way that indicated we no longer adhere to a dualistic way of looking at the world?
Let’s look at some alternative, non dualistic, answers to “How are you?”
- “I am.”
- “I don’t know, because I don’t ask myself questions that implicitly encourage a response that could be categorized as good and not good.”
- “Not interested in knowing how I am.”
Although these types of replies certainly could lead to some interesting encounters, they would matter little if the person asking wasn’t looking for unsolicited life coaching. Which by definition they weren’t.
So what to do?
Perhaps this is all. Taking note of dualism in our language, in how we communicate, in how we think. Seeing that dualistic thinking can be tricky and that we often unintentionally propagate this mindset with questions that call for binary answers.
And when we no longer meet someone with a “How are you?”, hoping for a positive reply and dreading the alternative, but open to simply hearing what our fellow human has to share, with a willingness to feel however it makes us feel, we are greeting the world in a non dualistic way.
